This blog is mostly for me. If anyone stumbles upon it, feel free to read, but it is mainly a place I can come and let my thoughts out. Since I was young, whenever I had something on my mind eating away at me, I'd often write it down and I would feel better about it. But recently, I've gotten away from that. Twitter doesn't allow for such long posts, and Facebook needs to be left out of this. I'm not sure I want just everyone reading this.
I'll save anymore formalities and jump right in. My girlfriend and I miss each other. A lot. It seems like every day we are apart, the pain gets worse. I go through my days thinking about what we could be doing together; what we could be eating together; and what memories we could experience. And believe me, there is so much I want to experience with this girl. When we are at our best, I'm the happiest guy on earth. As she so humbly tells me, I've got a great girl - I can't lose her.
It's 88 days until she moves into her new dorm in NYU. 88 days to kill before I can finally have her in the same time zone; same continent and same world as me. How do we make that time pass as quickly as possible? She was telling me earlier how our relationship is the only stressful thing in her life, which sucks for me. But I get it. I think the worst part is that neither of us are doing anything but sitting around missing each other at the moment. Since we've been together, we've had the honeymoon period, her trip to India, Malaysia, then her week long track across various Asian isles whose names escape this ignorant American at the moment, and my ending of senior year and graduation from college. We've always had something going on to distract us from the idea that we are thousands of miles away. We've always known it to be there - believe me, I think about it every hour of every day, but we've had things to occupy us to where the pain isn't as bad.
Now, neither of us are doing anything. I just graduated from college, and I won't start working until August. She is hanging out at home with her family until trips to Hong Kong and Vietnam in June. To add insult to injury, I'm dealing with a sometimes overbearing mother and friends who aren't in town yet. My stress and frustration level is sky high. I know hers is too. And I hate it.
And there she is. The infamous pop on my phone that lets me know she's there. But I keep going. My challenge for the next 88 days is to find ways to make the pain less bad. I want her to go out with her friends. I want her to do things that make her happy. She shouldn't feel guilty for having fun. As I've told her, my only request is she doesn't get with guys. Not a bad request to make of your long-distance girlfriend, right?
So why am I staying together with her? Those reasons change everyday. She often asks me loaded questions, which I dread but answer anyway, on the spot. I've never been the world's best guy at thinking on the spot, so I sometimes come up with a half assed answer that neither satisfies me or her. But the truth is, this girl has made me the happiest guy on earth.When we are at our best, no feeling is better. It's easy to tell yourself "there are other fish in the sea." That's true, but I've been with other "fish" and I know those don't have nearly the effect this one has. We just click. Even when we're at our worst, we're still in sync.When one of us gets emotional, the other is quick to follow. You know that isn't just a coincidence. They say that you know you love someone if you think about lift without that person in it. All I know is that when I think of a life when I'm not with my girlfriend, it's pretty bleak, even as frustrating as things are now. She's truly my best friend. I hope these next 88 days go by as painless as possible. It's my only wish.
